The pink hibiscus on the table

My wife and I were at a weekend couples retreat last year when the pink hibiscus on the table caught my eyes. One of the hotel staff had severed this little branch from its main frame, placed it in a lovely vase and rested it on our table to enhance the décor of the room.

We were in our second year of marriage and decided to spend an entire weekend with other young and seasoned couples. The whole weekend was filled with fun, frolic, love and a school of lessons.

This was a few months before I had taken up gardening as a hobby. My mind flashed back to a few weeks earlier when we had transplanted some of the flowers. As a result of the time lapse, one of the plants went into a state of shock.
This lasted for days and it seemed as though the plant would never recover.
I was disheartened and bewildered.

As I looked at the pink hibiscus on the table, I sensed that it too will go through a state of shock and this will last for as long as it takes to develop new roots.
This little pink hibiscus was struggling to survive and needed some urgent help. I also contemplated how much this must have been a lovely branch while it was still joined to its ‘family’. It now had to take on life on its own.

If you have been following my path in this blog so far, then you know exactly where I am going next.
Our marriage was much like the hibiscus on the table and the flower we had transplanted a few weeks earlier.

We both were doing well with our original attachments and in the gardens in which we were born; the place where we were originally planted for so many years. We had been severed from our families and joined as one. We were also now in our state of shock.
We were going to continue our state of shock for as long as it took us to grow new roots.

Now, we were in a garden of our own and needed to re-root. We would continue to live in a state of shock for the rest of our days, wither slowly and die or find our roots and started to flourish again. These were our options.

There are many families who are like this ‘pink hibiscus on the table’.
We struggle to stay alive and we struggle to keep going. But be encouraged when I tell you I am not sure what became of that hibiscus on the table at the resort we stayed for the weekend. But the flower we transplanted a year ago has become a star in our eyes. You just can’t help but notice how beautiful and complete it looks even before you enter the garden.

Is it raining where you are?

Yesterday as I drove into the drive way, I noticed the withering of one set of my impatiens flowers in the planter box just below the window. I got out of the car and on my way to pour some water on the seemingly suffering plants, my wife asked, “Why are you water the plant seeing we have been having rains and more rains for over a week now?”

I was a little startled by the question and pondered a little. We live in one of the watershed areas in our beautiful island of Jamaica.

I also noticed that everything else was lush green and just lovely. They not only looked great but also smelt great. Yet in the midst of all this rain and down pouring there were a few impatiens that were about to dry up and die.

This reminded me so much of life. You can be in an environment where there is so much happening, and yet for you it is just not happening. There is rain, rain and more rain yet you are still dry and thirsty.

There may even be lots of opportunities and several ways to achieve your dreams and desires, yet it is just not coming together for you so you ask yourself, “What about me?”

Well, after two attempts to pour water on the impatiens flowers, the water just wasn’t reaching the impatiens. Of course by this time the planter box was now filled with water, but not overflowing. I then proceeded to shift some of the other flowers to enhance my view. It was then that I understood fully what was happening.

The roots of this one set of impatiens were in the corner and on a higher lump of soil than all the others.

So despite all the rains and down pouring, this flower was still quailing and dying. To achieve sometimes means we just have to change our position, our stance, or where we plant our roots.

The bible says that the righteous shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.


What a comforting promise? If you are going through your dry seasons, or it is happening else where and for others, but not for you, then it may be time to consider your position. It sometimes means you need to seek the help of wise counsel, but you need to feel and share in the down pouring of the rain.

Have it and own it

You can have some things but never own it. On the flip side, you can also own some things but never truly have it.

It is human nature once we find something we are fond of or something we admire deeply, then we want to have it, hold it and own it.

Love is one of those things, when we experience it with someone. We want to keep that experience and so we want to keep that someone. We desire recurrent experiences and moments with that someone or something.
However, is it ok to always love and have?
Is it that loving without having is a higher degree of love?

The average person wants what they love and love what they want.
But is it ok to be this way?
In loving without having, you give of yourself wholeheartedly without feeling the need to own, possess or have. It is that high point of love where it becomes truly immaculate. It is also that point where you love and give rather than love and take. That is why the bible says that God is love.

This type of love of which we speak is usually found in true friendships, it is almost heaven sent. It is that level where you are able to love something or someone without holding them too tightly but allowing them to be and if they are really yours they will stay.

So when we decide to love someone or some thing without having it, we have set ourselves some boundaries. Boundaries that we all need and boundaries we fear of breaking. But true love is powerful and without fear.

I can do better than that

My old childhood nature is still very much a part of me today.
I attended a function last year and noticed that the event was very poorly organized and left far more to be desired. The other thing, I would be planning a similar function within a matter of months. So I wondered to myself whether I would have suffered the same fate.

Instead of allowing fear and doubt to paralyze me, I told myself, “I can do better than that.” This is something at least all of us have said at one point in our lives or another. True, there are some who also only believe the reverse which is, they can never do as well as others. If you are one such individual you too can cross over. I did many years ago as a child.

“More than most!” Is what others will say about you when you have done more, achieved more and become more than most persons around you. Once we tell ourselves that we can do better than that; it automatically propels us into a mood of excellence. “If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.” – St. Matt. 5:41NIV

We can always do better than we think; better than our initial response and we even exceed what we sometimes consider to be our best. The only thing which robs you from being better is settling for what you consider to be ‘your best.’I know I have got it within me, my Creator made me to have dominion; surely, I can do better than that.

Smoking or non-smoking

“Almost everyone knows that smoking causes cancer, emphysema, and heart disease; that it can shorten your life by 10 years or more; and that the habit can cost a smoker thousands of dollars a year. So how come people are still lighting up? The answer, in a word, is addiction.” Adapted from www.kidshealth.org

Smoking is one of those addictions that I believe the world does more to encourage it than anything else. Have you ever wondered why after all these years we still have most cars being made with cigar lighters? Let us say then that the car cigar lighter socket serves other purposes a part from lighting cigars. Then why have they retained the name, “Cigar lighters?”

I had a brother-in-law who died two years ago as a result of lung disease he developed from his terrible smoking addiction. We are being told today that second hand smoking is much more harmful than previously thought.
The health experts have blamed 'passive' smoking for the deaths of up to forty thousand non-smokers annually, in the US alone. That is almost the number of women who die each year from breast cancer.

The other truth is that no form of addiction is healthy. We do so much to protect our children from these evils, who are daily bombarded with these unnecessary temptations. This makes our job twice as difficult. If smoking is really so bad for us, then why does it seem the crusaders’ only intentions are to encourage this destructive habit?

As people who are committed to the survival of the institution called, “family”, then it behooves us to discourage our family members who struggle with this addiction. As a singer, smoking disturbs my singing mechanisms. I have also noticed that more than ever the younger children are adapting the habit of smoking. I am all for non-smoking.

You chat too much!

“You chat too much!”
The little boy shouted at the man standing by the road side, then walked away.

I was surprised, uncomfortable and by the time the little boy had walked away,I was RED. I have never seen such rudeness and blatant disrespect for an adult by a child. I am appalled by the degrading discipline among our young and the fact that some adults have taken a ‘hands off’ approach.



I said to the man, quite firmly. “A boy is a boy and a man is a man, you must put the little boy in his place.”

The man then responded, “We have gotten use to his talk, that’s just how he talks”

I was further infuriated, as I could not believe my ears. Someone once said that when he was growing up boys were afraid of men company but nowadays, men are afraid of boys’ company.



The boy must have been about age 12 or there about. Can you imagine what will he be like at age 16 or older?

Adults must take up their place. We cannot allow children to behave anyhow and get away with it.

Who will save our children?

I’ve got your back

A tribute to all my friends and family out there



When you feel you are going under and you need a shoulder,

I am here; I’ve got your back

I kneel to say a prayer and make sure to mention your name.

I know where you are planted is a hard soil,

And it is difficult to blossom and so difficult to bloom.

But I’ve got your back



The sun, I cannot change, the rain, I cannot hold.

But I can hold you and make you feel like you belong.

The struggles you face and the burdens you carry will not be too long

Sometimes you won’t say a word, sometimes you won’t even whisper

But I’m here; I’ve got your back



Allow the smiles around you to transform your gloomy days,

Take your pains away, and shower you with hope

In the mathematics of burden sharing; I share your burden evenly

Yet we each carry less than half.

The Angel has got my back and I’ve got yours

You cannot give up. You must not give in. You have to win.

Remember always my friend, I’m here and I’ve got your back

Do you listen with your mouth?

Most of us are guilty of this at some point or another. This is where you are in a discussion or just having a conversation with a friend and you do one of the following:

Think of what to say while the other person is still speaking.

This usually results in us not listening intensely and so we never hear all that the person has to say. This has the potential of giving a response that is inappropriate and gives the speaker the impression that you are not truly listening. These could be silent counter-arguments as the listener feels challenged by what they hear and may begin formulating their own counter-arguments. The listener has shifted focus to refuting what the speaker has said, whether mistakenly or otherwise.

Responding but to something totally different and way off course.

This happens especially when the listener’s mind is clouded with other stuff. I am not knocking my female friends but I find that this happen more often with the females. Incidentally I mentioned this to a few of my male friends and they were quick to agree. I guess the ladies may think otherwise. I wouldn’t mind hearing out their side. I call these Distractions as there are other things in the environment or in the listener’s own mind that get in the way.

Not allowing the speaker to complete their point.

You are more likely to misinterpret what is being said if you do not allow the speaker to complete their point. In our haste to share our own ideas and thoughts, we cut others off. This sometimes causes the speaker to feel that we are not interested and do not value what they have to say.

Good listeners will:

Not interrupt
Not change the subject,
Ask appropriate questions,
Empathize,
Look at the person speaking

If we make an extra effort to truly listen to those who desire to speak with us, it will help them to feel more appreciated. Beginning with me, I am making an effort to close my mouth and open my ears and heart.

A good listener listens with the heart as they also hear what isn’t said. Good listeners make good company. Our friends and family will begin to speak more if they feel that we are truly listening and value what they have to say. Even if what some have to say 'doesn't make much sense' in our opinion, we all like to feel valued.

Love has hands

I was reminded today of my very own words which I published in my first book.

"LOVE HAS HANDS"

Love is labor.

The hands represent our ability to hold, hug, caress and give. Love does all these and more. The hand of love means that we are able to share and care for each other. We are able to show and to guide. My love has hands and so does everyone else.

We are challenge to use these pair of 'love hands' to build or to destroy. We are challenge to use these pair of 'love hands' to show love to those who can reciprocate and those who need it most.

Let us continue to use these pair of 'love hands' to touch the lives of those we come in contact with. I want my pair of 'love hands' to touch the world, begining with everyone around me, one at a time.

Idle hands, idle lands

Countries across the world are experiencing rising food prices. Among the factors driving the food prices is energy cost. Energy hits on two fronts: It is costing more to process food and it is also costing more to transport and distribute it.

The ethanol boom has driven corn prices over 70% last year alone. More land is being used to plant corn, and as such soybeans, wheat, oats, and barley prices have all gone up. In addition, higher corn prices mean higher prices for animals in the food chain that eat it - such as chickens, cows, and pigs. There are also increases in fertilizers and other resources required by farmers. These are all a part of a fundamentally inflationary environment.

I must also mention the "China effect" on energy prices. This also affects food. Food exports have grown as living standards in both China and India have risen. That is good for the economy but not for prices.

The question on everyone’s mind now is how do I feed myself and my family?

In times such as these we can choose from a few options which may include:
• Eating less
• Finding more economical substitutes
• Growing our own

I want to talk a little about the third option. One of my colleagues was quick to point out to me that the massive urbanization has contributed to far less persons growing what they eat.

As a child, I grew up seeing my father growing and producing almost everything we consumed. His list of cultivation included yam, banana, coco, pumpkin, fruits and vegetables. He would also rear goats, chickens, cows and pigs.

We in the Caribbean region have lost this fundamental principle, “Grow what we eat”. We have been blessed with beautiful sunshine for almost 365 days a year. We have good agricultural lands, and well capable hands. Yet we have become so dependent on someone else to feed us.

I am not for one minute purporting that growing our own will solve all our problems. But we would certainly be many times better off than we are today; economically and health wise.

At the end of the day, those who have the food dictate the terms. The supermarkets and grocery stores have become our “modern farming place.” If we have to go to Egypt for food, then it means we have not learned. Too many idle hands and too many idle lands in the Caribbean, starting with my native land Jamaica.

Still a virgin at 21

“Everybody is talking about how is it that I am age 21, still a virgin and without child. I am annoyed by it and they even insinuate that I must be a ‘weirdo’”

These are the words of a bright and promising young girl from one of our inner city communities. She says that in her area where she lives, at age 21 she is suppose to have had her second child by now.

It was Shakespeare who said, "Company, villainous company, hath been the spoil of me.”One wonders just how many young girls live their lives on these ridiculous demands of the society. In my blog on Tuesday, April 8, 2008 entitled, “Real men needed,” I made the point that real men are not ashamed to live and act differently from the world in order to guard themselves.

Daily we all have to be strong and refuse to let our peers and the society dictate how we ought to live. There are principles outlined in the bible that some of us embrace and others refuse. At the end of it all, each of us will be held accountable for the choices we make and how we used our time.

There are some things that never change whether a virgin at age 21 or 42. When we take on certain responsibility before we are ready it usually comes with some very harsh consequences. When we ramble away from the model God has designed we usually fail. That is true, and so the final result is up to you.

I replied to the young lady by telling her that she is a diamond and in the eyes of those around her she is just a ‘rock’. Those around her don’t know and perhaps never will know her real value. But in the eyes of a diamond cutter or a diamond specialist she is more valuable than she could ever imagine, she is precious and she is to wait for her time to shine. At any time she can become like them, but they can never become like her. Diamonds are brilliant and that is just what they do, they shine.

Very strong emotions

Very strong emotions can distort our outlook on life. Love can sometimes be blind— hatred, fear and jealousy always are.

Copy right (c) 2008 J.D. Gordon All rights reserved

Real men are needed

Last night I shared with a group of men on issues which affect men.
In my presentation I highlighted the need for us to redefine manhood.
We made a list of issues affecting men ranging from sexual issues, money, work pressures, just to name a few.

The ‘modern’ society and the culture of the day have distorted who a man is.
Our society is fast becoming cold, hard and callous. Sadly there are those who believe it
is manly to be tough and say unkind stuff and if you cry when harsh words are thrown at you then you are weak and perhaps considered a sissy.

You are considered less than a man if you use words such as sorry, excuse me and please.
I grew up in an age when manners and respect were more valuable than pocket money. It was taught in schools and by our parents the importance of respecting adults.

A few weeks ago I was in our company canteen placing an order for my lunch when this ‘guy’ came in and decided not to wait in the line. He stepped out ahead of me to be served next by the attendant. I signaled to her and informed her that I was in the queue long before this ‘rowdy’; of course I never did describe him as such.
The guy responded, “Ok then, you can serve this ‘soft man’ first.”

I never knew I was a soft man, nor was I sure who is a soft man.
I later learnt that a soft man use words such as please, thank you, I am sorry and excuse me. A soft man will wait in line and respect orders and instructions. He made it sounded as though it was such a bad thing. That is a technique they use, to make us men who do the right feel out of place and uncomfortable.

Now you can begin to imagine the type of world that will be created with an attitude like that.
We are in trouble. We need to redefine man; it can no longer be left up to the society. As a man, I feel an urgent need to train the younger men how to be responsible, how to be caring, to be protective of the females and children and to understand the value of work.

I wouldn’t even mention the way our men are dressing these days that one is definitely for another time. Real men are wise yet humble, responsible and can be corrected. Real men do not put others down with their actions, words or strength. But rather they affirm and build others up. They are not ashamed to live and act differently from the world in order to guard themselves.
Real men are needed.

Big fish, small frying pan

What happened to me last night reminds me of a familiar story about two men who went on a fishing trip. One of the men was doing well, catching the very big fish. But every time he caught a big fish he would throw it back into the water. He did this a few times and it puzzled his friend then asked what was he doing and why. The man responded by saying he had to throw back the big fish because he had a small frying pan at home.

Yesterday I had a similar experience; I had purchased some very delectable parrot fish that I was preparing to fry. When I was about to place them in the frying pan, I realized that the frying pan was too small and pondered at least for a moment how I needed to ensure that my future purchases are smaller. Then I thought, perhaps not.
Maybe I should get a bigger frying pan. Surely that would solve the problem. But take a look at these two perspectives:

Limiting ourselves
If we only believe for those things we can handle and are prepared for, how will we grow? If we always ‘play it safe’ and swim on the shore all the time, how will we get beyond certain limits and explore the unknown? If we always just accept what we are told and never seek to investigate, how does this affect the way we live?

Over extending ourselves
On the other hand, this same story teaches us the importance of not taking on too much at any given point, which could be just as detrimental as limiting yourself. Stretch what can be.

One thing is certain this heading sets your thought into motion. You may even have several stories from your own life experiences which you could describe as the big fish, small frying pan experience.
If you have to cut your fish down to size, that is also an option, which is exactly what I did. My wife and I had a good laugh and a good bite. Cheers!

Fighting Fires

Like me most of you probably never thought of becoming a fire fighter, but hey! we are.

We all are fighting fires in our families, in our homes, in our work places and in our

communities. Ask me whether I would have become a fire fighter when I was a child and

I would have told you No way. But that is exactly who I am today. I am a fire fighter.

I thought I may as well equip myself to fight.

The first and most important thing about fighting fire is the cardinal rule which is –

Life preservation. – Life over property every time

Take a look here I have created Ten Rules for Fighting Fire:

1 Do all within your power to prevent a fire from starting
2 If a fire does get started, do not waste energy and time trying to figure out who started it or why, while everything is burning to ash.

3 The more oxygen or energy a fire gets, the more it will blaze. So try not to fuel the fire be it consciously or unconsciously.

4 Make sure you know exactly what is burning – It helps with deciding on the most appropriate solution.

5 Know the stage of the fire, some fires spread very quickly and sometimes evacuation is the only option. Remember to close all doors and windows behind you.

6 Know when you need help or back-up. 911 is always an option.
7 If the fire is worth fighting it is worth fighting well.
8 Make sure you have more water than fire. You will need to cool things down as well.
9 Some day the fire may get you, but don’t let it happen because you weren’t thinking.
10 Share your survival strategies with others who could also teach you a thing or two.

If you follow the rules above you will avoid being burnt out, because who knows, you may have to fight a fire everyday.

Have You ever Wanted a Change of Life?

I was sitting in my living room a while ago and I just thought for a moment, if I were to change my life, really really change my life to be someone or something else, what would I want to be...ah!...ah!.. I am not sure exactly.

If I could no longer be me, would I want to be a President, a Movie star or what? What would I want to be?

I got it!...I GOT IT!...After much contemplation I think I want to continue to be me... A star...for that is exactly what we all are. We just all shine in different ways and in different places.

So if I really wanted a change, I would want to be a bigger brighter star so I could shine not just for those near but even for those a far.