Most of us are guilty of this at some point or another. This is where you are in a discussion or just having a conversation with a friend and you do one of the following:
Think of what to say while the other person is still speaking.
This usually results in us not listening intensely and so we never hear all that the person has to say. This has the potential of giving a response that is inappropriate and gives the speaker the impression that you are not truly listening. These could be silent counter-arguments as the listener feels challenged by what they hear and may begin formulating their own counter-arguments. The listener has shifted focus to refuting what the speaker has said, whether mistakenly or otherwise.
Responding but to something totally different and way off course.
This happens especially when the listener’s mind is clouded with other stuff. I am not knocking my female friends but I find that this happen more often with the females. Incidentally I mentioned this to a few of my male friends and they were quick to agree. I guess the ladies may think otherwise. I wouldn’t mind hearing out their side. I call these Distractions as there are other things in the environment or in the listener’s own mind that get in the way.
Not allowing the speaker to complete their point.
You are more likely to misinterpret what is being said if you do not allow the speaker to complete their point. In our haste to share our own ideas and thoughts, we cut others off. This sometimes causes the speaker to feel that we are not interested and do not value what they have to say.
Good listeners will:
Not interrupt
Not change the subject,
Ask appropriate questions,
Empathize,
Look at the person speaking
If we make an extra effort to truly listen to those who desire to speak with us, it will help them to feel more appreciated. Beginning with me, I am making an effort to close my mouth and open my ears and heart.
A good listener listens with the heart as they also hear what isn’t said. Good listeners make good company. Our friends and family will begin to speak more if they feel that we are truly listening and value what they have to say. Even if what some have to say 'doesn't make much sense' in our opinion, we all like to feel valued.
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